Life doesn’t always go as planned. A job falls through. A relationship ends. A dream detours. When challenges hit, your first instinct may be to ask, “Why is this happening to me?”  What if the better question is “How is this happening for me?”

This simple change in perspective can transform how you navigate life’s ups and downs. It’s not about ignoring pain or pretending everything is great. It’s about trusting that even the hardest experiences can serve a purpose – shaping you, teaching you, and preparing you for what’s next.

When you believe things are happening to you, you can feel powerless, like a passenger in your own life. When you believe things are happening for you, you start to see yourself as active participant in the journey.

Ask different questions:

• What can I learn from this?
• How is this preparing me for the future?
• What strengths am I developing right now?

This doesn’t mean every hardship is “good.” Some things are unfair, heartbreaking, and senseless. However, even in the darkest moments, there’s often a glimmer of meaning you can choose to uncover.

Some of the greatest growth happens in discomfort. The loss of a job might push you to start the business you’ve been dreaming of. The end of a relationship might reconnect you with yourself. The failure that embarrasses you today might build the resilience you need tomorrow.

Reframing doesn’t erase the pain, but it keeps you moving forward with purpose instead of paralyzed by bitterness.

You may not immediately see the reason behind a struggle – and that’s okay. Perspective can often come in hindsight. Building trust is what can mater most – trust that life is not out to get you, but rather to grow you.

Some of the most successful, grounded people will tell you their “worst moments” ended up being their greatest turning points. It’s not that life got easier, it’s that they stopped seeing themselves as victims of it.

Here are small ways to practice this mindset daily:

• Journal your biggest challenge and write one lesson it might be teaching you.
• Reframe language. Swap “Why me?” with “What now?”
• Pause in setbacks to ask “How could this redirect me toward something better?”
• Surround yourself with people who model resilience and growth.

Believing that life is happening for you doesn’t guarantee ease; rather, it invites meaning. It doesn’t deny struggle; it encourages growth. It doesn’t remove the storm; it helps you find shelter within yourself. Even through trauma – trauma happens; it does not define you.

When you change the lens, you change the story. Your story. Sometimes that story turns out far better than the one you were trying to write.

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For additional tips on mindful living and topics like this, follow me @livinghealthyin5fields on social media.