Have you ever said that something just “isn’t fair”. If so, you’re right. Often things happen that just aren’t “fair” and that is a hard part of life.  You can plan and plan.  You can prepare for things as much as possible.  You can think you have things “figured out”…and then…WHAM!  Something hits unexpectedly.  Something that just “doesn’t seem fair”.

One of my high school teachers, as a reply to “that’s not fair,” used to say “the Fair is in August!”  Although it used to annoy all of us, it something that has always stuck with me.  Getting past the unfairness of life takes effort and intention.  Expecting “fair” is not a useful concept.  Something that seems “unfair” is often out of your control.  It that is the case, it is not productive to dwell on it. However, if there is something you can do about it, go for it.  Putting your energy toward things you can control is helpful and can bring justice. Putting your energy toward things out of your control will only exhaust you and perhaps even create anger, additional suffering, and pain.  In addition, negative thoughts inhibit positive change.

Ways to Move Past the “Unfairness” of Life

• Take a few deeps breaths and ask if it’s worth the energy you are putting into it.  It’s human nature to have a negative reaction to things that seem unfair. Putting it into perspective helps you realize it is not worth the stress you are allowing.
• Be aware of what you can and can’t control.  This will help you realize what you can more safely put your energy into.  For example, you have no control over what someone else says or does – you can only control your response.
• Consciously monitor negative thoughts and emotions and turn them into positive actions.  It’s common to start engaging in negative self-talk.  “That was unfair.” “I could have been more careful.” “She was mean.” All things that may be true, but all keep you trapped in the past. There is absolutely nothing you can do, think, or feel that is going to change something that has already happened. To bring positive change, you need to focus on the present and prepare yourself for the future. Analyze the self-talk and ask:
  • Is this thought/feeling positive or negative?
  • Is it something I have control over?
  • Is it something that happened in the past?
  • Is there something I can do now or in the future that might produce a change?

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